Cat
Not much is known about Cat, other than the fact that he remains one of the most powerful beings in the universe, even long after his supposed death during his involvement in the 9/11 terror attacks. His unpredictable nature, disregard for most human life and seemingly limitless power make him a truly terrifying opponent for anybody who stands in his way. He is, however, usually aligned with the heroes as all the evil in the universe often ruins his highly organised plans. BIOGRAPHY It is unknown where or when exactly Cat was born, or if he was even born at all, but he was childhood friends with eventual infamous inventor and explorer Richard Smith. During this time he was also bestowed a magic hat that amplified his natural reality bending powers, giving him the nickname “The Cat in the Hat”. (Rich Hard or Die Mortimer: The Final Chapter) Some time during his youth he was married briefly to The Ogre, but this ended badly and they both left one another on bad terms. (An Ogre’s Tale) Cat was fascinated with Austrian-German dictator Adolf Hitler, and memorised at least one of his many speeches, which he would often recite. He even recorded a hit single where he recited these words to the backing instrumentals of his favourite song, Africa by Toto. (Battlefield V Reveal Trailer, Cat 76) As an adult, Cat was seen hosting a television show with his cohost, who happened to also be Cat himself. During one of his many infamous spats with himself, Cat accidentally sliced his own tail with a cleaver, causing irreparable damage meaning Cat received a prosthetic tail almost indistinguishable from his original. During his recovery in hospital he would often perform an elaborate dance routine to the kids in the children’s ward to the tune of his favourite song. (Battlefield V Reveal Trailer, Cat 76) Further into his life and marking the beginning of his descent into madness following the loss of his tail, Cat would have recurring waking nightmares featuring an increasingly distorted version of Smash Mouth singing their hit “All Star”. Cat would often begin to lose his sense of self and control of his powers during these episodes and had to constantly reaffirm his own existence, shouting over and over “I’m the Cat in the Hat!” while reality was slowly warped around him. (Cat, Cat 2) Many years later, Cat stumbled upon a house inhabited by two children, known as Rule Breaker and Control Freak, a fish named Cyaaat, and Oscar award winning pedophile Kevin Spacey. Initially unsure of how to introduce himself due to his many years of solitude, Cat unknowingly terrorised the inhabitants whilst crawling across the walls and ceiling. This misunderstanding was eventually resolved and Cat became the heart and soul of this misfit family. (Cat 3) During the time spent with his new family, Cat continued to have reality bending seizures which he now referred to as “Cat Smashers” due to the persistent presence of popular Ska band Smash Mouth. (Cat 3) Falling further and further into the chaotic madness that was consuming him, Cat finally forgot his own name, referring to himself instead as “The Hat in the Cat”. His psychopathic tendencies worsened and he was no longer the same Cat who stumbled into the house all those years ago. Just a few of Cat’s insane schemes included: The attempted hanging of himself and the two children, Recklessly bringing an atomic device into the house and activating it, mowing down hoards of US soldiers on Normandy beach, and creating an anime starring himself and Kevin. (Cat 4) On the 20th of January 2018, Cat enthusiastically displayed his vote for Donald J. Trump before getting in his car and travelling to September 11th 2001. With Cyaaat, Rule Breaker and Control Freak trapped in the back seat he crashed his car into the world trade centres, instantly killing all 4 of them and marking the end of the once happy family of outcasts. (Cat 4) Word of Cat‘s demise eventually reached both Kevin Spacey and The Ogre, both of whom were seen greatly disturbed by the news. (Cat 4 Epilogue) Cat, being an extradimensional being, could exist even after his own death. Seemingly cured of his madness following the destruction of his original body and hat, exiled himself to the moon. Only once leaving to help his old friend Rick defeat the tyranical dictator known as Cyborg Dinosaur. Cat supposedly spent the rest of eternity on the moon, however sightings of a strange man-sized cat persisted across all the known universe. (Rich Hard or Die Mortimer: The Final Chapter) Powers • Eternal - Due to Cat’s mysterious origins, he can never truly cease to exist. His physical form can perish but with enough effort he can rebuild himself even after death. • Reality Bending - Cat possessed a natural talent for warping space to his will, although often not being fully in control of his powers they remained a force to be reckoned with. • Time Travel - Cat had the ability to travel anywhere in time and space, however doing so extracted a great toll on both his mental and physical health. • Force Choke - Cat had the power to suffocate his enemies with a wave of his hand, a technique he passed onto his childhood friend Richard.